Caregiving - You Are Not Alone
By Yeoh Chee Koon
MOSAIC Team
My 98-year-old mother used to attend Sunday service at HVMC regularly until early this year when she started declining to come, pleading tiredness. And indeed, she had also been increasingly reluctant to take her daily walks around our compound. On June 7, when we were all at church, she fell, when leaving her room. The helpers brought her back to her bed and when we returned, we decided that Mum needed an x-ray because she was still obviously in pain at the hip area.
The trauma specialist at the National University Hospital (NUH) said that Mum had indeed fractured her hip and recommended partial hip replacement surgery. I was taken aback. “At 97, you want to operate on her, with all the possible complications during and post surgery?” But the team of doctors was confident that surgery was a better option than letting Mum go through the slow process of healing. Mum weathered the surgery well, stayed 10 days in NUH and two weeks in St Luke’s for rehabilitation, before we brought her home on her 98th birthday, to three days of celebration.
A welcome home & birthday bouquet; My life group members celebrate with Mum.
And then the challenges began.
MEDICAL: She began needing to go to the toilet ever so often, which was especially taxing at night for her helpers. We suspected urinary tract infection (UTI) but she had no obvious symptoms for it. This carried on for a few days, till I cried out to the Lord in desperation for a solution. I had become testy, impatient, even angry with Mum thinking that the cause was cognitive impairment. I was prompted to send her for tests and true enough, it was confirmed that she did have UTI. With antibiotic treatment, the situation eased.
Undergirding all our decisions surrounding Mum, was Proverbs 3: 5-6. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your path straight”.
CAREGIVING ARRANGEMENTS: Mum’s homecoming was complicated by one of our helper’s pre-arranged month-long home leave. We considered various options, seeking out AIC (Agency for Integrated Care) for home care help, private nursing and maid agencies that could provide part-time helpers. In the end, we decided that the best option was to place Mum, for just that month, in a nursing home that took in residents for short term stay.
Thank God Mum was agreeable, and adapted to her stay there, after being assured that we would bring her back in good time.
DAILY LIVING: When I drove Mum back from the nursing home, I asked whether she was happy to be going home. “Of course!” she said. “Then I will be able to do what I want.” Having regained strength and greater recognition of what had happened to her, this fiercely independent and feisty woman had running battles with us when we tried to get her back into her daily routine, like waking up for her meals and walking. Here, again, I was reminded to not lean on my own understanding in trying to get her onto a regimented schedule, realising that it was more important to let Mum be happy, than subjecting her to undue stress. Thank God that with gentle persuasion, flexibility, and the help of a physiotherapist at home, Mum is coming along in regaining some of her former mobility, albeit now on an assisted basis.
Pleased to have Mum back home with the family
After almost four months, I can truly declare “there by the grace of God go I”.
The journey has been demanding, but I have seen wildflowers along the way. Discovery of the availability of institutional support, the prayers of life group members and pastors, the resources He has provided along the way, gestures of love and care by grandkids towards their Tai Por, they all form part of the support ecosystem to encourage the caregivers, that they may know they are never alone.
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